Navigating Rivalry Without Contempt

Last week, during the highly anticipated rivalry game between Arizona and Arizona State, Bobby Hurley, head coach of ASU, made a bold decision. During the game one player from ASU headbutted a player from Arizona and was ejected. After the game, Hurley refused to allow his team to shake hands with their Arizona counterparts, even declining to shake hands with the opposing coach. His decision sparked a conversation about the role of competition, respect, and how athletes should handle intense rivalries.

What happens when the team you’re against is inundating you with relentless, constant chatter? What does it look like to “compete without contempt” in that scenario?
We discussed this in this week’s podcast. Here are our thoughts. We would love to hear yours.

First, we want to acknowledge that this is hard. It is hard to keep your cool and not lower your standards to the standards of your opponent.

Second, Tiger Woods said it best. “Don’t get bitter; get better.” If you can’t silence your opponents with your play, don’t try to retaliate with bitterness or spite.

Third, the coaches and referees have a role here. One of the main complaints of Bobby Hurley was that the constant, relentless chatter, was not “policed.” Referees should do what they can to nip that in the bud; when coaches see it, they should address it in the huddle; when parents witness it, they should have a conversation on the ride home.

In short, Both teams — winners and losers alike — should strive to let their actions speak louder than words. Winning with humility and losing with grace speaks volumes more than any trash talk ever could. That is a way to compete without contempt.